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Now You Want Me, Now You Don't!: Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship, by Dr. Jeanett
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In Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t, Dr. Jeanette Raymond stands conventional wisdom on its head by showing that men often long for emotional intimacy more than women, and that many women use sex to connect, rather than emotional closeness. Readers are given a ringside seat in the therapist’s office as Rick and Christy seek couples counseling with Dr. Raymond. After four years of marriage, one son, and continued efforts to get close to his wife, 30-year-old Rick is heartbroken at being shut out and kept out emotionally, no matter how hard he tries to connect. But when Christy storms out after two sessions, Rick decides to stick it out, motivated by Dr. Raymond’s certainty that he will discover the reasons for his wife’s coldness and recover the intimacy they’ve lost in their relationship. As the sessions progress, Dr. Raymond helps Rick understand his desperation for emotional intimacy and why Christy constantly rebuffs him. The couple’s history and their life stories before they met are woven into a compelling narrative that explains the attraction that drew them together, while at the same time keeping them emotionally apart. Dr. Raymond uses Rick’s deep experience of rejection to point out the similarities in the psychological defenses both he and his wife built to survive their painful childhoods. And though Rick is skeptical about the 10-step program that Dr. Raymond suggests to help Christy feel safe enough for intimacy, he is astonished to find that the strategies work! Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t takes readers on a roller coaster ride of elation and disappointment as Rick’s hopes soar that he will save his relationship, then plummet as he’s overcome with frustration and threatens to quit therapy. This book gives readers a suspenseful and intimate glimpse into a couple’s life, as they wrestle with the thorns that pierce their idealistic bubbles and strive to regain the comfortable rhythm of emotional intimacy they had when they fell in love.
- Sales Rank: #1487349 in Books
- Published on: 2014-06-27
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .52" w x 5.00" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 230 pages
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
WOW! Revealing and touching
By D. Lang
Dr. Raymond's book is very touching. I laughed and cried with Rick and Christy. Having experienced therapy myself, I know how painful and terrifying it can be to relive hurtful childhood experiences that have been buried for years. I also understand the shame of acting out as an adult due to burying those feelings instead of bringing them out into the light to be understood and processed with someone who provides emotional safety and security. If you are looking for a book on psychology, relationships, working through childhood feelings, this is the book. I say that because out of all the books I've read on the topic, this one touched me the deepest. You will come away with a better understanding of how relationships work and possibly a better understanding of yourself by joining Rick in his sessions with Dr. Raymond. You will also gain an understanding of the therapist's experience. The connection that she forms with her patient is not one she takes lightly and it affects her as well. Rick gets to express his anger, fear, sadness and understand that she is not going to abandon him or make him wrong. She models for him what it means to be in a healthy, functional relationship. Soon Rick begins to choose healthier responses to the challenges he feels in his relationship with his wife. This story is a human story full of ups and downs. You won't find any easy one, two, three steps to the perfect relationship here. Dr. Raymond reveals the complexity of the human psyche and how, even so, there is hope that we actually can learn to better understand one another and succeed at even the most challenging relationships in our lives. Also, this book is an easy read. I couldn't put it down.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Difficult subject but fascinating read
By Janet
Difficult subject but fascinating read. I gave this book 4 stars because though I was dismayed at times by the subject matter, I was riveted by the real life story playing out in my hands. Dr. Raymond takes us through a case study where we hear from both sides of a couple going through marital issues and counseling. I thought that was an excellent way to illustrate the 10 steps Dr. Raymond introduced. The information contained is raw, gritty, and I became emotionally involved in the outcome of the couple's relationship. Is it all sweetness and light? heck no, but it is fascinating.
*I received my copy from NetGalley.com in exchange for an honest review.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting perspective.
By mjarcher09
I do recommend this book. She also has corresponding YouTube videos. My husband and I are reading this book together and its very interesting. Reading it reminds us that everyone has emotional baggage and we both need each other. Honestly I as the wife think I'm enjoying it more than the hubby but we both agree that we need to work on our relationship, so this book is a start.
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